Graduation Night '15

Methodist Girls' School, Ipoh's Graduation Night on September 18, a very remarkable night indeed. A few weeks ago I thought of skipping it by taking an exam on that day because I really didn't feel like going at all. I thought it was a waste of money, time and energy. I gotta say, I was wrong. If I skipped it, I wouldn't have been able to see the amazing transformations that everyone has made.

My class, 5S4, spent about a week preparing and practising for the presentation for that one special night. Of course, there were some ups and downs during the week. But, anyway, we became integrated at last. Since our theme was 'Glamorous Gatsby', we decided to start the presentation off with waltz and singing. I was in charge of singing 'Like I'm Gonna Lose You' by Meghan Trainor and John Legend with my friend, Esther. We and the guitarist, Krychell, did quite well during the practice but sadly, the real performance didn't turn out that well because the guitar was not in tune and we couldn't catch the right key. Then it was followed by modern dances by my other classmates. The dances were much better.

That's me at behind and on the right with a black gown.

Couple of the night - Amanda and Saroop.

Right on that day when I just stepped out from the car, I was astonished by everyone in the lobby. Everyone was beautiful and mostly unrecognisable. Most of us were wearing black (Don't ask, I have no idea why).

#squad

When the time everyone was so excited about has come, I was unexpectedly chosen to be one of the candidates for being the grad queen of the year a.k.a. Gatsby Queen. The first trial was to describe ourselves. I simply answered, "Irreplaceable (lol)." And surprisingly, I passed the trial. The following trial was to show our talents. I chose beatboxing and singing. Then, KABOOM! I failed the trial (I'm fine. Really, I am.). But, for the third trial, my dearest princess, Samantha, was chosen! I was thinking, "Oh my goodness, yes!!!" That brought me unspeakable joy and excitement. The third trial was to choose a question at random to answer. My sweetheart surprised me with such boldness in speaking! She was my desk mate last year so I know how timid she was speaking in front of the class. But, now that she was speaking in front of everyone from the school with such boldness and I couldn't help but stood in awe and cheered like an idiot down there. I am so proud of you, Sam! I love you. :')

I think this was taken when I was beatboxing. Yes, in a black gown.

Sweetie catwalking.

Speaking with massive boldness.

I was hoping that she could be the grad queen but, no, she wasn't chosen to be it. The grad queen turned out to my be classmate, Saroop. She's a lovely girl.

And that's her catwalking.

Look at the way my principal, Datin Mungit looks at her. Priceless.

Well, I'm not gonna say no to the result. It's fair to me. Saroop is indeed beautiful, elegant and most importantly, humble. The result isn't disappointing although Sam didn't get to be the grad queen. At least, she got the third place and I have no words to describe how happy I am for her. She is always the queen and princess in my heart.

After the night, I finally went home. Now was the worst part of the night; removing my makeup. Ah, it took me really long to remove the makeup. When I swiped the swab down, I noticed how cake-y my face was. The makeup was really thick. But, I didn't really want to remove the makeup because it was my very first time doing heavy makeup by myself and I actually succeeded. I was quite impressed by my own makeup skills (I still am. Hahaha). Much thanks to Michelle Phan for sharing the makeup tutorial of Gatsby 1920s Flapper Girl.

Before and after removing the makeup.

Though it was really tiring and it took so much of my time to prepare myself for this night, it was totally worth it. Thank you so much to the people in charge for making it happen. It made me realise how time flies. Indeed an eye-opening and splendid event it was.

Here are some of the photos taken on that day:

That's me and my class monitor, Chi Yi.

Top 5 finalists: Sam, Vinesh, Wei Shen, Chi Yi and Saroop

A friend since primary school, Ruby, and I.

Loo selfie with Yun Chi.

Clasmate of the year, Amanda, and I.

Desk mate of the year, Nab, and I.

Desk mate of 2014, Sam, and I.

What?

No, I'm not short. She's just tall.

Sam.

Chi Yi, followed by Vinesh and Saroop.

Part of my squad.

Top row: Karesh, Carmen, Wana, Nora, Vash, me, Yun Chi

Bottom row: Lesh, Kart

Yun Chi, Kart, Wana, Vash, me and Nora.

Ultimate squad - Batch of '98 babes of MGS.

Thank God for my friends and school!

Love, Accept and Forgive

I Am Not Ashamed of My Past

Everybody's got their dark side and I believe that everyone's been through the most painful experience that keeps haunting them. And it all started with something that we are very familiar with; temptation. Here's the story of my biggest mistake I've (almost) ever done:

3 years ago, I was dating with a boy whom I thought was innocent (I was too innocent to judge). He used to come to my house every Saturday and go for church service later with me. Later on, I found out that he had countless ex-girlfriends that he couldn't even give me a figure (that's exactly what he told me). He lied to me about his past before we started dating. He told me he had never dated anyone else before me. He finally spat the truth out, at least, I thought. Yet, I never doubted his innocence.

I was being very careless one day when he told me that he wanted to come to my house. He came to my house without my parents' acknowledgement and we were alone in the house. But, nothing happened. That made me trust him even more, although his was being extremely touchy and kiss-y, which irritated me very much. On the second day he made the same request and I let him come to my house, when I was alone and without my parents' acknowledgement, again. Everything was fine and as usual until we went into my bedroom. I, still, was too innocent and naive to realise the risks of letting a guy into my room. He, as usual, asked for kisses from me but I rejected. I was doing something else and out of the blue he snatched the device off my hands and started to force kisses. Things started going out of control after a short moment. I didn't know what to do. I was in a dilemma. I didn't know how to refuse. I was scared, traumatised and stoned. He stopped awhile and said "No, I don't think we should do this." I didn't know how to respond. I wasn't ready for any of these. After some moment of awkwardness, we carried on, anyway.

When things had gone to a much further extend, I finally said "NO." But, he still never listened. I kept rejecting until the nightmare a.k.a. awakening began; my mum came home. We were so terrified. Before we went downstairs, I simply grabbed an album of piano covers and handed it to him. He saw my mum and mumbled a greeting and ran away like a chicken. I was really disappointed in him and myself, for I had trusted him too much and not fled from temptation.

My mum was suspicious and lectured me about the danger of bringing a guy into my room alone. I denied and lied to her that I brought him into my room just to let him choose one of my albums from the collection. I couldn't hold my emotion back and soon burst into tears. Few minutes after she left, I became suicidal. I wanted to drown myself in my mum's bathtub (my bathroom doesn't have a bathtub). I wasn't physically and mentally ready for all these things. I was 14.

As I immersed myself into the water, I had only these things in spinning around in my mind: shamefulness, regrets, pain and condemnation. I was too ashamed to face the world, especially my family and of course, God (whom I'd definitely would confront if I died, duh). I couldn't forgive myself for letting that happen. I knew I was going to confront God if I died, but I thought I didn't deserve a place in heaven so I'd rather damn myself to the pit.

In the midst of this struggle, God sent a beautiful earthly angel to awaken me -- my mum (thanks mum :) ). "Charis?" "Yeah, mum?" "What are you doing in my bathroom?" "Uh... nothing. Just casually enjoying a 'luxurious bath' over here." "Oh, okay. That's weird." I am always very sensitive to my mum's voice especially when she calls my full name out because, you know... mums. Hahaha. Mums are awesome. I really thank God very much for my parents in my life.

Right when I heard my name being called out by my mum, I realised I was born for a purpose, a beautiful and meaningful purpose from God; and not to be damned. I realised how much my mum had been trusting me all along until now, she still does. She believes in everything I told her, including all the lies. She didn't know anything about the suicide until this year, I told her that she was the guardian angel that God sent to save me. For 3 long years she had been believing that lie that I was enjoying the 'luxurious bath' while the truth is that I was about to die in bitterness.

Through this hell I've learnt so many precious lessons and I've become a much mature me. I've never really told this to any of my friends despite a few of my close friends. I will never ever, not even to think of taking my own life and damning any souls anymore. I love my life no matter how bad the situation can be and will live my life to the fullest for God.

To everyone who's reading this: Do not condemn anyone including yourself. Learn to love, accept and forgive others and yourself. Learn from your mistakes. None of us deserve a place in heaven but because of God's unconditional love for us, we are made new. Make your life purposeful for God and let it be a glory of His.

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." 

Ephesians 4:2 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

1 Peter 4:8

“But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 

Exodus 9:16

“The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” 

Proverbs 20:5

Me, Myself and I

Hello! Welcome to my blog! :)

Before posting anything, I would like to introduce myself a little first.

I am a girl who is quite ordinary and I can get emotional at times. I do not usually cry over physical pain but emotional. Emotion is my weak point, I guess. I like to daydream, sometimes living in a world without pain feels good although you know it is all unrealistic, but that's the way to release my stress, despite praying to God. I know I should be realistic all the time but I can't help but daydream at least a little when stress or tension strikes. I don't know if this should be considered a talent. It helps me in my English exams all the time. During every exam, just when I hold my pen with a piece of paper on the desk, inspirations won't stop drowning me. But, I noticed that my inspirations will mostly be taken away when I face the computer and touch the keyboard. Well I guess I better bring a pen and paper along whenever I go next time so that those inspirations won't go wasted.

On the other hand, I'm also a musician. I play piano, drums and a little violin, I think. I used to learn violin when I was younger but no longer stopped because I thought the teacher was creepy. Since then, I've stopped playing my violin, not even to touch it. I had tried playing it a few times after so many years, but I had no idea how it works, until now. Essentially, I mostly sing and yes, I make covers. Make sure to go check out my SoundCloud profile just for the heck of it. But before listening to my covers, I have to be honest and tell you that they're not perfect because I'm not a professional musician and singer. You probably would not like them but if you do, thank you so much! :)